The Birth Of Destruction: 8 & 9

Therapy

At some point over junior year, after one of the many phone conversations where he’d call me a name and turn off his phone, my mom realized what was going on. She tried to keep me from him and I protested, telling her I loved him and wanted to be with him forever.

After one particularly bad fight, he came into school acting as though he couldn’t see or hear me. I spent all of first period in the guidance counselors office bawling my eyes out. I couldn’t stop crying long enough to tell them what was wrong so they just let me cry it out and sent me off when the bell rang for second period.

I saw him in the hallway and tried to get his attention. He just kept walking, staring straight ahead with a stupid smirk on his face. I hated him and wanted to hurt him so I did. I shoved him against a locker and smacked him across the face, knocking his glasses clear across the hallway. He laughed and called me a pathetic stalker, which sent me into another bout of crying. A teacher found us there and led me back to the very office I’d just left.

I confessed to slapping him, told them why I did it and everything. I didn’t get suspended, but they did call my mom and she took me out of school for the rest of the day. She didn’t head for home and when asked, just told me we were going for a drive. She ended up taking me to the hospital for a psychological evaluation.

They wanted to admit me to the hospital but I refused. I didn’t want people poking and prodding me for information. Plus, how embarrassing would that be to tell friends and co-workers?

We decided that I’d have therapy once a week to talk to someone. I refused to talk at first, insisting that I didn’t need therapy. I was put on Prozac and, once mom found my razor blades, they were confiscated. I still struggled with that though, I’d grown accustomed to the feeling of the blade cutting my skin. I liked to see my blood. I started using regular shaving razors, until they too were taken, and I could only shave while my mom was in the room with me.

In the past year and a half, I was more so a shell of myself. It wasn’t solely Caleb’s fault, but he was a big part of it. In middle school, I used to tell people, “Oh, I’m so depressed!” thinking that I never really would be. And now I was to the point that people thought I should be admitted.

The Prozac helped for a while. I wish they had a pill to stop people from doing stupid things, then I would never have ended up in the position I’d put myself in a year later.

“Oral Sex”

Caleb and I made it a habit of staying after school together, waiting for Connor to get off of work so we could all go hang out at a new arcade that had just opened up. It was usually the 3 of us, occasionally joined by whatever girl Connor was dating that week.

On this particular day, we were sitting in the back of the main lobby with my legs up over his. Does that make sense? How the guy sits right and the girl sits sideways with her legs over his. Whatever they call that, that’s how we were sitting.

The janitor was an old hag, and she told us that we were talking too loud and to quiet down. He called her a name, which she heard so she told us to get out of the school, and even escorted us to the doors. She told us not to come back inside that day or we’d be sorry. I told her I had to go back in because I was waiting for the choir instructor to get done with musical practice because I needed to talk to him. She told me no.

Caleb told me to wait until she left the lobby then go back in and wait in the choir room for the teacher. I probably shouldn’t have listened but I went in anyways while he waited outside for Connor. What I didn’t know was that he planned to sneak back in a few minutes after me. The janitor saw him and went to get the principal. I’d just seen him and started talking to him when they found us and took us to the office.

They separated us and I asked why they took us to the office. They told me nothing until my mom got there. Apparently the janitor told the principal that we were having oral sex when she’d kicked us out. I barely knew what oral sex was, and was disgusted by it, which I told them immediately. I called the janitor a liar. We were suspended for 3 days, which shouldn’t have happened because it was after school hours, not to mention that nothing happened!

We went back for a meeting after the 3 days and the principal then revealed that the janitor admitted she was wrong. The principal had to explain to her what oral sex was and she was quick to say that wasn’t what she saw. When she explained it again, her story matched the one I’d tried to tell my mom and the principal in the first place.

My mom thought I deserved the suspension anyways but Caleb’s parents fought the school on it. They won, causing both the janitor and principal to lose their jobs. I wasn’t sorry to see them go. I knew I’d done nothing wrong and was very upset I’d suffered 3 days suspension for something I was so dead set against.

These were the eighth and nineth chapters of a true story by Bree Houseman on figment.com.  Names were changed to protect privacy.

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~Mouse and Bree

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