“Society”

This is something I found, written by KyraGreen. I fixed some spelling errors, but other than that, it’s the same.  I found it thought provoking and just too true…  Why is society like this?  Is it the media’s fault?  Is it our fault?  Whoever’s fault it is, is not the question.

It’s all of our faults, in a way.

Now we just have to fix it.

Hey, be yourself.

But No, society says. Not like that.

It’s been brought to my attention that we live in society full of idiots. We call ourselves human but yet we live in this inhuman society with these monsters lurking inside of us. We live in a society where us girls are more concerned about looking perfect then actually believing they’re beautiful. We live in a society where the girls are taught how not to get raped, but wait; aren’t we supposed to be teaching the boys not to rape? We live in a society where people have the audacity to sit behind a computer screen and type “Kill yourself”, press send, and not even bother to think twice about what they had said. A society where boys are never trusted, and girls’ true voices are stifled. The mirage of what it is to be “perfect”. And while you go on with your everyday life there are people like me and you just watching. We watch you worrying about the same thing, stressing over a guy or the way you look, and the way you dress because you don’t want anybody to judge you. Because you can’t be different. Being different would mean social torture.

Aren’t we ignorant?

 

Thanks for reading this.  Post your thoughts below?

~Mouse

Award & Nominations! :D


 

http://westutterandwedontcare.wordpress.com  Thanks so much for nominating me, and happy blogging to all of you! ^-^

There are so many awesome bloggers out there, I just don’t know where to start…  There were a couple bloggers I would’ve nominated, but they already had their nominated-ness.  :)

Here are my nominations:

1. http://writingundersleepingtrees.wordpress.com/

2. http://gizmosandgears.wordpress.com/

3. http://poemsandpeople.wordpress.com/

4. http://letterstothirteen.wordpress.com/

5. http://caffeinetonicotine.wordpress.com/

6. http://bfgb.wordpress.com/

7. http://holisticwayfarer.com/

~Mouse

 

The Birth Of Destruction: 10 & 11

Junior Prom

My friends and I always planned to go to junior prom, with or without dates. I was going to keep it a secret from my mom, who didn’t think I should go. I even bought my dress and ticket before she found out. She still refused and we got into a huge argument until I called Jenna crying about it and she had her aunt, who she lived with, talk to and convince my mom to let me go.

Obviously, I’d be going with a date. Jenna and Gabe went together, Melanie took an older guy she was dating, and pretty much everyone else went stag. 

We rented a limo. It was the first, and probably the last time I’ve ever been in one for a happy occasion. The night was pretty uneventful. Jenna and I got mad at Melanie because she grinded up on both our dates, while practically ignoring her boyfriend. I think I ate more food than I danced. There was an awesome nacho bar. 

We all got pictures, we wanted to remember the night forever. I actually still have my copy. I got one group picture with my friends, and a couple-y picture of me and Caleb. I “accidentally” lost the one of me and Caleb after I left him that last time. 

After prom, there was a “Post Prom” at the school that we’d decided to go to. We weren’t the type of hotel-after-prom teenagers. Towards the end of prom, Caleb told me he didn’t want to go to post prom and tried to get me to go to a hotel with him anyways. I refused and told him I didn’t care if he went to post prom or not, I wasn’t gonna let him ruin my night with my friends. But, of course I was upset until he finally showed up at post prom. 

We decided to go swimming, one of the activities they offered that night. Caleb got mad for something I said and refused to get in the pool. I tried getting out to go talk to him and find out what was wrong, but he pushed me. I almost hit my head on the bottom since it was the shallow end. The teacher who was supervising saw and he got kicked out for the night. They wouldn’t let me leave to go with him. He broke up with me, saying I didn’t want to leave. He turned off his phone and told me he didn’t want to talk anymore. He said if I ever called him again, he’d kill me. 

Monday morning following prom, he acted like nothing had happened and we were still together. I didn’t complain, I just went along with it. My friends were mad that I’d gotten back together with him, they saw the way he shoved me into the pool. I told them I loved him and they gradually dropped the subject. 

 

Car Accident

Caleb just got his licence and car, and right away my mom enlisted in his help to get me too and from to work that summer. I’d just found that I love Taco Bell, a food that I refused to try until recently. So we made it a habit to stopping there for food before he’d drop me off for my shift. 

The car he’d bought was a piece of crap and I hated it. It was a nasty shade of green. I was cautious of even riding in it because I’d heard nothing but negative things about green cars. There was something wrong with it since it didn’t want to start and stay running half the time. It decided to act up in the Taco Bell parking lot that day. It was July 17th and I was scheduled for the 4-8 shift that night. 

I was already cutting it close so I told him I’d walk over to work since it was only 2 blocks behind us. I was afraid though because  the intersections I’d have to cross were 2 of the busiest in the area. 

Halfway across the parking lot, I heard him screaming. I thought it was at me so I turned and headed back. He had somehow managed to crack the windshield. He punched it because he’d been so mad it wouldn’t start, which it ironically did start after that. I said bye to him and said I’d see him later but he told me to just get in and he’d take me over to work. I got in, but voiced my concern about the windshield. He said it was nothing.

We had to cross 3 lanes to get over to the turning lane for the next street where my work building was. He was so upset he was shaking and not paying attention. A car had to slam on the breaks, otherwise it would have taken out the back bumper. I put my seat belt on, work wasn’t even a minute away but I was terrified. 

He maneuvered the car into the turning lane. The light was red, but green for the straight lanes. He didn’t look like he should have. He didn’t even stop. He just went ahead to make the turn, and I saw a car coming at us. I put my left arm out to grab the wheel and moved my right one from the window, to across my lap. 

I didn’t even hear the crash, I blacked out from fear rather than impact. It was only for a few seconds though. I woke up screaming without even comprehending what had happened. Caleb was screaming at someone and trying to rip off the door on my side. The front end of the other car had hit directly on the passenger side where I was. I kept screaming while he tried talking to me, telling me to calm down. He found my glasses, they’d been knocked off on impact, and put them back on, but it did nothing to help my vision. My eyes had boggled around on impact. 

I remember a woman asking if I was pregnant, I think it was the other driver. She later called me in the hospital to tell me she was glad I was okay. 

There were suddenly cops, a fire truck and ambulance there. They tried to pry the door off but it wouldn’t budge. Someone threw a blanket over me and told me not to push it off.  They had to rip off the roof of the car to get me out. It’s a sound I’ll never forget, it makes me sick and want to scream just sitting here writing about it. I screamed some more, it’s very traumatizing, to realize that you’ve just been in an accident and that they’re literally having to cut you out of it. 

Someone took the blanket and told me that they were going to slide a board on my back and pull me up onto it. They told me not to move. The pain I felt when they moved me was even worse than the pain of childbirth. They strapped me to the board and wheeled me up into the ambulance. 

Somehow, at some point, I got my phone out of my pocket and saw  I had 3 voicemails. I couldn’t tell you who the first 2 were from, one from my mom I think. But the last was from my work, one of the cooks. 

“This is Deb from work. You’re supposed to be here at 4 o’clock. It’s now almost 4:30. You’re supposed to call 2 hours before your shift if you wont make it. Give us a call back.”

Can you believe that I tried to push the emergency people off of me and told them to turn around because I had to go to work and didn’t want them mad at me? They either thought my brain got smashed around inside my skull, but they didn’t say anything, they just kept checking me.

I pushed one of them away and sat up, until I screamed in pain anyways. They told me I had to lay still. I told them I was going to go to sleep but they told me I wasn’t aloud to. They asked why I wanted to sleep and I told them “It’ll take away the pain”. They again told me I couldn’t sleep yet.

I think I passed out anyways because I remember nothing more until we got to the hospital. I knew we were in the E.R. but couldn’t tell anything more than that. I was alone and started asking for my mom and Caleb. No one payed me any attention. 

When my mom did get there, I was so scared. I started crying and asked her not to hate me because I loved her and didn’t want to make her mad. She told me not to worry about anything right then and that we’d talk later. 

My step-dad, who took the call from Caleb about the accident is the one who called and told my mom. He loaded up his son and daughter in the van he had and headed for the hospital where Caleb said they were taking me. He later told me that when they were almost there, they were stopped at a red light, and watched my mom run a yellow one with a cop behind her, his lights lit up. I’m not sure if the cop part is true, but my mom told me she hit 80 on her way to the hospital. 

My mom sat with me while we waited to get x-rays done. I couldn’t move, I was still strapped to the board. They had to insert a catheter since I kept complaining about having to pee. 

After they had taken the x-rays, Caleb and his parents showed up and waited with us for a little while. I didn’t want him to leave and made him hold my hand. I’m not sure what my mom said to his parents but they left not long after getting there. 

It was determined that I had a fractured tailbone, and fractured right hip. If I wouldn’t have put my seat belt on before the turn, I would have been launched out the driver side window and most likely died. I spent 3 days in the hospital for observation. Caleb came to see me each day, even though my mom didn’t want him there. She filed a Restraining Order against him the very next day. After I found out, I did everything to defy it anyways. 

Only one friend bothered to call me in the hospital, Kaylee. She called once every day, each time apologizing for not being able to make it in to see me. She was younger than me and her mom wasn’t much for taking her places. No friends came to see me. I’m not sure if it’s because they didn’t know I’d been in an accident, or they just didn’t care because it had to do with Caleb. 

I spent my 17th birthday on bed rest. I had to use a walker to get around, and in the beginning I needed my moms help to use the bathroom and to shower. The walls of my bedroom was all I saw for almost 2 months. They refused to let Caleb see me, but permitted him to call (mostly because they didn’t know he’d bought me a new phone and gave it to me before I left the hospital).

I didn’t really have physical therapy but I do remember having to see some sort of specialist to make sure my fractures were healing on their own. The doctors there told me that I’d be lucky if I ever got pregnant and delivered a baby without any complications. But I think doctors just say that kind of stuff to try and restore your faith in them when you overcome what they say was impossible. (I say this because I am now a married mother of 2 and pregnant with a third.)

I spent nearly another 2 years with Caleb before gaining the sense to leave. I never forgave him for the accident. Oh, and I refuse to get into any green colored cars. I always wear my seat belt and refuse to drive without everyone in my vehicle wearing theirs. I double check my kids’ seat belts before going anywhere. 

These were two more chapters of a true story by Bree Houseman on figment.com.

http://figment.com/books/760038-the-Birth-of-Destruction

 

~Mouse

The Birth Of Destruction: 8 & 9

Therapy

At some point over junior year, after one of the many phone conversations where he’d call me a name and turn off his phone, my mom realized what was going on. She tried to keep me from him and I protested, telling her I loved him and wanted to be with him forever.

After one particularly bad fight, he came into school acting as though he couldn’t see or hear me. I spent all of first period in the guidance counselors office bawling my eyes out. I couldn’t stop crying long enough to tell them what was wrong so they just let me cry it out and sent me off when the bell rang for second period.

I saw him in the hallway and tried to get his attention. He just kept walking, staring straight ahead with a stupid smirk on his face. I hated him and wanted to hurt him so I did. I shoved him against a locker and smacked him across the face, knocking his glasses clear across the hallway. He laughed and called me a pathetic stalker, which sent me into another bout of crying. A teacher found us there and led me back to the very office I’d just left.

I confessed to slapping him, told them why I did it and everything. I didn’t get suspended, but they did call my mom and she took me out of school for the rest of the day. She didn’t head for home and when asked, just told me we were going for a drive. She ended up taking me to the hospital for a psychological evaluation.

They wanted to admit me to the hospital but I refused. I didn’t want people poking and prodding me for information. Plus, how embarrassing would that be to tell friends and co-workers?

We decided that I’d have therapy once a week to talk to someone. I refused to talk at first, insisting that I didn’t need therapy. I was put on Prozac and, once mom found my razor blades, they were confiscated. I still struggled with that though, I’d grown accustomed to the feeling of the blade cutting my skin. I liked to see my blood. I started using regular shaving razors, until they too were taken, and I could only shave while my mom was in the room with me.

In the past year and a half, I was more so a shell of myself. It wasn’t solely Caleb’s fault, but he was a big part of it. In middle school, I used to tell people, “Oh, I’m so depressed!” thinking that I never really would be. And now I was to the point that people thought I should be admitted.

The Prozac helped for a while. I wish they had a pill to stop people from doing stupid things, then I would never have ended up in the position I’d put myself in a year later.

“Oral Sex”

Caleb and I made it a habit of staying after school together, waiting for Connor to get off of work so we could all go hang out at a new arcade that had just opened up. It was usually the 3 of us, occasionally joined by whatever girl Connor was dating that week.

On this particular day, we were sitting in the back of the main lobby with my legs up over his. Does that make sense? How the guy sits right and the girl sits sideways with her legs over his. Whatever they call that, that’s how we were sitting.

The janitor was an old hag, and she told us that we were talking too loud and to quiet down. He called her a name, which she heard so she told us to get out of the school, and even escorted us to the doors. She told us not to come back inside that day or we’d be sorry. I told her I had to go back in because I was waiting for the choir instructor to get done with musical practice because I needed to talk to him. She told me no.

Caleb told me to wait until she left the lobby then go back in and wait in the choir room for the teacher. I probably shouldn’t have listened but I went in anyways while he waited outside for Connor. What I didn’t know was that he planned to sneak back in a few minutes after me. The janitor saw him and went to get the principal. I’d just seen him and started talking to him when they found us and took us to the office.

They separated us and I asked why they took us to the office. They told me nothing until my mom got there. Apparently the janitor told the principal that we were having oral sex when she’d kicked us out. I barely knew what oral sex was, and was disgusted by it, which I told them immediately. I called the janitor a liar. We were suspended for 3 days, which shouldn’t have happened because it was after school hours, not to mention that nothing happened!

We went back for a meeting after the 3 days and the principal then revealed that the janitor admitted she was wrong. The principal had to explain to her what oral sex was and she was quick to say that wasn’t what she saw. When she explained it again, her story matched the one I’d tried to tell my mom and the principal in the first place.

My mom thought I deserved the suspension anyways but Caleb’s parents fought the school on it. They won, causing both the janitor and principal to lose their jobs. I wasn’t sorry to see them go. I knew I’d done nothing wrong and was very upset I’d suffered 3 days suspension for something I was so dead set against.

These were the eighth and nineth chapters of a true story by Bree Houseman on figment.com.  Names were changed to protect privacy.

Please help us spread the word!

http://figment.com/books/760038

Thanks so much,

~Mouse and Bree

The Birth of Destruction: 6 & 7

That Summer/ My 16th Birthday

We gradually stopped talking but he was always coming to see me at work, and began to wait for me outside my classes. I thought it meant he wanted to get together again and I refused to.

But, stupid me, I started talking to him again, more and more until, at the end of that year, I agreed to go out with him over summer break.

He didn’t have his license but there were these people, part of his probation, or maybe it was his therapy, that they drove around with him and talked with him and stuff. That was the majority of how I saw him that summer. They’d bring him over and we’d hang out and watch movies and stuff.

He began to pressure me for sex, and I turned him down every time. I’d tell him next time, or faked feeling sick or just told him I wasn’t ready. He began to make me feel bad, insulting me and asking why I was so close minded. I wasn’t close minded, I just wanted to wait for marriage to have sex.

I’d seen what it did to Jenna when she’d had her first time with a guy she’d thought loved her. He sweet talked her and used her. A week after she’d given it up, he began ignoring her and gotten back together with his girlfriend. I didn’t want that for myself.

My mom  had to work on my 16th birthday. She left me a card and promised she’d take me out for dinner that night and said we’d get a cake over the weekend when my brothers and Jenna were over. I wanted to spend the day by myself and told Caleb, which got him mad. He hung up on me, calling me a bitch and said he didn’t give a fuck what I did anymore. I assumed it was him breaking up and spent the whole night before my birthday in tears.

A knock came at the door around 10 a.m. on my birthday. I wasn’t expecting any friends over and knew both mom and dad were working. I just let the person keep knocking until they left. Then I heard the knocking coming from my window. I lifted the curtain to see that it were Caleb. He told me to let him come in, so of course I did.

He said he’d talked to his parents and they’d brought him over until after my mom got home. He assumed she’d be able to take him home. We sat and watched a movie, then 2 until he asked if I wanted to walk to the corner store. So we headed there and came back with a few snacks. What I didn’t know what that he also bought a pack of condoms.

I went to go use the bathroom and when I came back, he was laying on the couch, naked under a blanket. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was about to give me a good birthday memory. I told him to stop kidding around and get dressed. He pulled me down beside him and started forcing himself on me.

I kicked him off and told him get dressed and leave or I’m calling the cops.

“I’ll end this complaining right now,” He said.

He got up, still naked, and grabbed a pair of kitchen sheers and walked back towards me.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

He grabbed my hair and pulled me up, pointing the sheers at me.

“Any more complaints?” He asked.

I started crying and telling him I wasn’t ready, and couldn’t we try this again when I was? He shoved me to the ground and started running the sheers across his wrists. He told me that unless I wanted him to kill himself, I’d let him have sex with me.

That’s pretty much it. He raped me, but I wont go into details about that portion of my birthday. I remember crying the whole time and even tensed my body. He ended up giving me bruises on my legs and pulled my muscles from forcing my legs opened. I hit him a few times and he hit back. So I screamed, until he covered my mouth.

He did, at least, wear a condom, so I didn’t have to worry about getting pregnant. When he was done he just got dressed and left, leaving the door to our apartment open the whole way. I had to wrap myself in a blanket to close it, and a neighbor saw me. I’m sure they’d heard me yelling but yet they did nothing. My friends and I had learned from an insane experiment at the mall a few years ago, that people reacted more to someone yelling “Fire”, rather than one yelling “Rape”.

He came back and acted like nothing happened. He kept hanging on me, while I was trying to get him off. He talked with my mom about what we did that day while I barely talked.

When I later confronted him, he laughed and told me that I was crazy. He said he was still a virgin but I persisted and said he’d raped me. He got irate and told me I must have fucked someone else because he would never have sex with someone like me.

A week later he broke up with me, telling me I wasn’t mature enough to have a relationship. He advised me to get a cat, since that’s all I would ever be was a Crazy Cat Lady.

Junior Year

This was the year my depression really took off. By that point, I felt like I was in love with Caleb, despite all the things he’d done to me over the summer and the names he called me. When I saw him the first morning, he told me he didn’t want to be friends anymore, let alone ever get back together. He ignored me for 2 months.

I began cutting. Not just because of him, but other things as well. My mom began dating a guy I hated, who thought he had me all figured out. I’d later look to him as my step-dad, just before he’d passed away. My dad had married another woman without telling any of his kids and they were expecting a baby. Gabe was pressuring me to date him, even though he knew I didn’t like him that way. My friends and I were growing apart, them knowing what they wanted out of life, me not knowing. I began to wear more black and became more introverted than ever. It began to seem like Kaylee was the only one who really got me. I started distancing myself from everyone, spending lunchtime in the library and refusing to talk in class, even when called on. Classmates made fun of me, some even dumped trash on me during a movie we watched one day under the supervision of a substitute teacher. My teachers knew something was up but no one voiced any concern, as they are trained to do in such circumstances. Maybe I just hid it better than I thought I did.

All of Caleb’s friends had graduated so he really only had the people I’d introduced him to. Some friends, like Jenna, Gabe, Melanie and Kaylee refused to look at him, let alone talk to him. Others like Ritchie and Ray, talked to him more than me. Our friends began to take sides. He told Ritchie, Ray and others that he’d had sex with a girl  here at school. He later told me it was a lie, but he said it because he didn’t want anyone knowing we’d had sex.

He put up a good front, and I really believed that he was over me, while I was so depressed. I began to hate him. But one day, during a pep rally, he asked me if he could sit with us. I was a bit surprised but said okay. He ignored me the whole time, talking to Kaylee instead, giving her notes he’d written. I got so mad with her, I didn’t know what was going on but I found myself so jealous because I used to be the only one he wrote notes to.

Halfway through the pep rally, Caleb got up and walked out of the gym, closely followed by 2 teachers. I asked Kaylee what that was all about but all she said was that he’d talk to me on his own time, and not to go after him.

Caleb ended up getting suspended that day. I guess he’d threatened the teachers who’d followed him. I never learned the whole story of that suspension, or most of them for that matter.

We gradually began talking more and it wasn’t long before he’d asked me to take him back and I’d agreed. We took it slow because I was afraid of what he’d done to me was going to happen again. I tried my best to make sure we weren’t alone together. That didn’t work too well since my mom was always with her new boyfriend and my friends thought I was stupid for getting back together. And that was just because they thought he’d seemed shady. They would have killed me if they knew what he did to me.

The abuse wasn’t physical, not then. It was emotional, mental and if he felt like it, sexual. Although the majority of the sexual was after high school, with the exception of that first time.

He called me names, ugly, slut, bitch, whore. He got very possessive of me, asking why I was talking to this guy friend or that, why this person looked at me this way. He would tell me to call off of work to hang out with him. I joined Stage Crew for the play, he joined with me, “To make sure you don’t fuck anyone else, because things like that happen in Stage Crew”. He even tried to join Choir with me, which thankfully didn’t happen. That was the only escape I had. He had a different lunchtime, but somehow always came to mine. He waited outside my classes for me and walked with me. When I asked him to lay off a bit because he was getting so possessive, he told me not to flatter myself. He said it was for my own protection.

I can’t say enough how stupid I was when it came to him. I gave him chance after chance and it only got worse. I have no one to blame but myself.

Oh, I did later ask him what those notes had been during the pep rally.He explained it like this, although I have no clue what was true and what was a lie. He, his dad and step-mom had gone to Jamaica over spring break. He snuck out to go to the bar and had the chance to have sex with a set of twins. They got a hotel room and started going at it, but he backed out and went back to his own room because he’d realized that he loved me and couldn’t think of another girl like that. I was in awe of how sweet that was. That’s all I wanted, was a guy to think of me that way, and it completely overrode all the bad things he’d done to me.

We became virtually inseparable after that revelation. At the end of that year, he graduated and we stayed together over summer break. I don’t remember much, except that he got his licence and a car, so he would be able to see me.

These were the sixth and seventh chapters of a true story, by Bree Houseman, on figment.com.

We’re trying to get the word out.

If you want to help,  please recommend this link to people:

http://figment.com/books/760038-the-Birth-of-Destruction

Thanks so much,

~Mouse

…Are you daring to underestimate me? Watch me prove you wrong.

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